It is my experience that the quicker I can internally reconcile a situation I am going through, or, the quicker I can be honest with myself in processing the situation, the earlier Christ is freed to affect me, guiding and molding me to more resemble his image. Lately, I have been feeling the brokenness of the world. This started a couple months back in a process that I suspect God was using to help me better understand his grace. It was a difficult period in which I felt the weight of the consequence of my own brokenness in everything I did. The smallest slip of the tongue to another brother or sister would leave me feeling miserable for hours. It was a place I’ve never been before, a place that led to better understanding God’s love through experiencing (and then understanding) the reality and despair of an existence absent his grace.

I feel like that weight has morphed over the past several weeks. Lately I have been weighed down by the brokenness of the world around me. Let me now say, I know that I have hope in Christ. I know that it is through the cross that this entire world finds hope. But I also feel distant from God right now. I don’t feel that hope, I feel the weight of sin absent that hope. I feel the burden of broken relationships all around me.

This burden is worsened by not acknowledging it, by ignoring the spiritual pain of others. While some of what I’m talking about is rooted in the poverty of the world, it isn’t the driving force of this burden. This isn’t me reflecting on my own empathy for the poor. This is me reflecting on the selfish and prideful ways in which I experience my own relationships. This is me responding to the brokenness in each and every relationship on this earth.  No one is exempt; poor and rich; American or African, marriages, brothers, sisters, teachers, students, pastors, businessmen, government, family, friends. Examine the relationships with those you care about most, those you see the most, with those you love or those you don’t even really like. Everyone of those relationships are affected by the brokenness of sin.

But here lies the hope, it is in these broken relationships that Christ shines most brightly to me. Even now, as I go through this difficult season, it was in an e-mail I received from a friend this morning that detailed God’s healing presence within his broken relationships that I experienced the most joy I’ve had all week. What a blessing.

My prayer in writing this is that it would help me work through this process. But I hope that we would all repent before the cross. None of us is free of blame for the collective brokenness of the world. Sin gives birth to more sin, and and the consequence is a perpetuating life-suffocating cycle for which we each hold responsibility.

May each of us humble ourselves to that reality and thank God for rescuing us, even while we continue to fall short of his perfection.

May you who are doing this, who are falling before the cross and desperately seeking Christ in your relationships, may each of you find joy in your obedience and strength in Him through your weakness. For you who have relationships that you have tried to carry out independent of God, it is my prayer that your eyes would be opened to the death that this inaction is causing throughout the world. Be honest with yourself first, then be honest with God. Only then can his mercy and grace take hold in your relationships.

“For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person–though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die–but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.” (Romans 5:6-9)

May I realize this. May we all realize this. May we live that realization in all of our relationships (both with God and each other).

Road from Kigali to Gitarama

Gitarama is about an hour drive south of Kigali. It is a small town (land wise) but has quite a few people living in, or just outside of the area.

Hills scattered with huts

The drive from Kigali was beautiful. It is green, full of hills and peppered with huts and people. Here in Gitarama I’m staying in a small hotel, or more accurate a guesthouse of sorts. I’ll be here for a week during a CARE group training that FH is holding.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon getting familiarized with the area. I walked through the market, explored the streets, and ate a local meal of goat and rice (it was actually really good). I also met several people who I will be spending time with during the week. One such person is Nate, another intern with FH who just got in from Uganda and who will be transitioning into a staff position. Nate is working on a water project FH is starting here to generate income with an ultimate goal of becoming self sustainable. There is also Tom, Tom is British and has been here with FH since 2007. He is helping facilitate logistics for FH as well as a new project that is focused on exporting artisan crafts.

I have spent a decent time chatting with Tom and Nate and learning more about the variety of projects FH is doing. It has been good to be exposed to the “realities” of the field. Being here, it is easier to see both the positives and negatives associated with NGO’s in Rwanda (Nate also told me a bit about the NGO scene in Uganda). As I go through this process I continue to reevaluate my thoughts on how mission work is best done. I am becoming more and more convinced that we (man) begin to put to much importance in systems, institutions and hierarchy, the bigger an organization grows. I’m not speaking specifically to FH (though not exempt from this, I’ve actually been encouraged with how they operate), but really to all organizations. Truly the more these things take root the more, in my observation and opinion, we try to coral Christ, unleashing him when we see fit. This of course isn’t always the case, but I think there is a balance that is lacking. How to change that, or improve it, I’m not yet sure. Hopefully I’ll have futher thoughts as this time passes.

On that note I’m going to get to doing other things. The internet here is extremely slow, so posting blogs, pictures, etc. is a pretty large time commitment.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying for my time here, such prayers have not gone unheard. God has been here in many ways. For now, I feel like I am a young child in a new environment. Smells, sounds, tastes, and sights are all very different. I suspect as time goes on I will become more acclimated to my surroundings, and understand the culture better. Until then, I am soaking everything up and waiting to see whats next!

Women walking back into town.

Boys taking water back to their homes

View from my hotel room in the morning after a heavy rain.

Pathway seen from balcony outside Kigali FH office

Today I rolled up my sleeves and got to work, not that one needs to roll up sleeves for office work, but you get the point. Before taking you there, I’ll start back at the beginning of the day.

After a much needed nights sleep I woke up this morning at 5:45 a.m. I am not used to being up that early under any circumstances, so I took the opportunity to clean up, shave, shower, then head down stairs to read. But before I could make my way outside I ended up running into a few other missionaries who were staying in the guest house. We got to talking and I found out one is a pastor in Mexico, the other, frequently serves in Tijuana, Mexico. For those of you who know me you know I serve down in Puerto Pennasco once a month. Little did I realize that I could be practicing my Spanish while in Africa! It was a fun encounter, one which was a good reminder of how much God is working his Kingdom into fruition.

After my conversation and subsequent breakfast I was picked up by Dwight and Brenda and went to the FH office. We started the day with devotional time. There were roughly 12 national staff, Dwight, and me. Along with some prayer and praises we sang some worship songs in the native tongue of Kinyarwanda. I did my best to navigate my way through the words as I paged through the hymnal trying to keep up. The language sounds beautiful in song, but is difficult to read. Many of the words lack vowel placement that is consistent with English, so you end up with words starting with a string of consonants. Despite my challenges I thoroughly enjoyed the time.

Following devotionals I spent a few hours discussing future plans with the Highlands partnership. I’m extremely excited at the potential this project has. If we are able to be effective in our strategy and approach, this could affect positive change in a powerful, and replicable way. On a future post I will add details to what exactly this project entails.

As for my time here, things are becoming a little more clear. I will be leaving Kigali tomorrow and heading south to Gitarama, where I will be for roughly a week. In Gitarama I will begin conversations with staff from FH that I haven’t yet met, as I attempt to better understand the culture and climate of Rwanda and its more rural sectors. I will also sit in on a training Dwight is doing with his staff.

I’m not sure what the availability of internet will be in Gitarama so stay tuned! So as I strive to make sense of everything going on around me, and engage with God in each step of the way, I leave you with this:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)